Meaning & Purpose: A source of resilience when found in healthy ways

Meaning and purpose is an emotional need.

Just like we need to eat healthy food and stay hydrated, and to feel safe and connected with other people who care for us, we need meaning and purpose in our lives.

When our need for meaning and purpose is met, we are better able to cope with adverse experiences in our lives.

This might be because we know how to find the meaning in difficult experiences. For example, we might reframe painful events as opportunities to learn, or as temporary setbacks.

Or it might be because we are finding meaning in purpose in one or more of three ways.

Three ways to find meaning and purpose

If we feel we could better meet our need for meaning and purpose, we can start by asking ourselves three questions.

1. The first question is: ‘am I still learning?’

When we are learning something, we will have ‘penny drop’ moments when we gain knowledge or a skill, and understand what something means with fresh eyes.

Sometimes these moments can happen following a steep learning curve or after long periods of studying a subject or practising a skill or a hobby.

Have you ever heard yourself or someone else say ‘I see what you mean’ when learning something new? This is the moment when learning has given us a sense of meaning.

2. The second question to ask ourselves is: ‘am I serving others?’

If we are focused on the needs of others it takes our attention away from our own concerns.

Serving the needs of others helps us to persevere when times are difficult. When we know that other people are relying on us it can give us a strong sense of purpose.

We might find this sense of purpose from supporting a partner, our family and friends, or from volunteering or working in a professional role which helps other people meet their needs.

The third question to ask is: ‘do I feel connected to something bigger than myself?’

Feeling that we belong to a group, like one where people share an interest in a hobby, helps us meet our need for community.

But to find meaning and purpose, we need to feel that we are part of a shared vision.

A shared vision might come from a charitable or social cause, or volunteering for a political or religious group.

When the vision is focused on trying to make the world a better place, it can be a powerful source of meaning and purpose.

Another way of connecting to something bigger than ourselves is through the study of history, art, science and philosophy, or anything which helps us to see how our lives fit into the wider world.

When we are meeting the need for meaning and purpose in these three ways, it is a powerful source of resilience. But when we are missing meaning and purpose, if can make difficult experiences hard to cope with.

When a lack of meaning and purpose is a risk factor for suicide

Research shows that suicidal thoughts are a reaction to the pain of unmet needs. And losing the sense that life has meaning and purpose can be a risk factor for suicide.

But finding a sense of meaning and purpose can also protect people from thoughts of suicide.

For example, if we can see that we still have things to learn, we have a reason to live. If we know that people are relying on us for love and support, we have reasons to keep going.

If we can see beyond the present moment to a future where things will change, we know that ‘this too will pass, whatever it is.’

One risk it is important to understand, however, is that while suicide is often an unplanned, spontaneous reaction to pain, it can also be planned.

The very act of planning suicide can give people the sense of purpose they felt they were missing before, as well as a feeling of control over the pain of unmet needs.

A warning sign that this might be happening is when a person who was previously distressed about their situation, suddenly appears to be calm or focused.

If you see this change in someone you know, it is important that we do not to assume that they are okay.

We should ask them something like: “I notice that you appear much calmer, despite some of the challenges you’ve been dealing with. Can I ask if anything has changed?”

Important questions which can help to prevent suicide are: “have you experienced suicidal thoughts?” and, if they confirm that they have, “can I ask if you have a plan?”

Equally as important is to ask them about what’s keeping them alive. In other words, which of their needs are being met, and are they meeting their need for meaning and purpose in healthy ways.

If we are in a supporting role, as a friend, family member or professional, we might also encourage them to explore what the future might look like if any current problems could be resolved.

How can we find meaning and purpose in the short term?

The questions we’ve explored can help to focus attention on strategies to build a life with a healthy sense of meaning and purpose. But how can we find meaning and purpose from day to day? Here are a few suggestions:

• Make someone a meal. When we make someone else something to eat, we are serving their needs. It’s even better if we can share a meal and connect over food.
• Watch a comedy. It might seem surprising, but when we hear a joke and we ‘get it,’ we are getting a little dose of meaning. Laughing is a way to find meaning in life.
• Help someone in need. So long as we are not doing it to show off, or seeking too much attention for doing so, helping others gives us a sense of meaning and purpose. This doesn’t have to involve giving money, but could be volunteering time or donating things we no longer need to charity.
• Read a story or a biography. A story – whether fiction or the story of someone’s life – can connect us to their lives, experiences and the challenges they overcame. This can change the way we see the meaning and ‘story’ of our own lives too.

Sources

Soper, C. A. (2022) The Evolution of Life Worth Living: Why we choose to live.

Berardelli, I., Rogante, E., Sarubbi, S., Trocchia, M. A., Longhini, L., Erbuto, D., … & Pompili, M. (2023). Interpersonal Needs, Mental Pain, and Hopelessness in Psychiatric Inpatients with Suicidal Ideation. Pharmacopsychiatry, 56(06), 219-226.

Pompili, M. (2022). Unmet Needs in the Management of Suicide Risk: Psychological Pain as the Main Ingredient of Suicide Risk. In Suicide Risk Assessment and Prevention (pp. 1-12). Cham: Springer International Publishing.

Spínola, J., Campos, R. C., Marques, D., & Holden, R. R. (2020). Psychache, unmet interpersonal needs, childhood trauma and suicide ideation in young adults. Death Studies, 46(4), 930–939.