Anger in young people

Anger can feel like it has come across us all of a sudden, but we often find it is because emotional needs are not being met. As children and young people are still learning social cues and how to interact with the world, their responses to challenging situations can easily be seen – which can be displayed through anger.

When we experience something that makes us feel that we are under threat, our security officer (or amygdala), which is the part of our brain that helps to keep us safe, sends signals to our rational, thinking brain. These signals recruit our ‘thinking’ brain to look out for threats, so that instead of thinking clearly, we focus on looking out for potential threats to our safety.

In a stressful situation, our amygdala overrides our rational brain to get us to run away or lash out in anger,  rather than responding in a healthy way.

An example of this may be missing the goal in a football game. The footballer may react angrily – perhaps they may become angry at themselves – but it is also possible that anger may be shown towards other players, the referee, or even inanimate objects such as the ball, goalposts or pitch. What is happening in this moment is that the brain has had an overload of stress.

We like to have stretch in our lives, a healthy amount of challenge. But when the task becomes unachievable, either because of how we are meeting our current needs or by feeling responsible for other people’s happiness or expectations, the pressure can increase.

Finding coping strategies and methods can be useful, or we can find different viewpoints by looking at things from a different perspective.

Ultimately however, the best way to both control our anger and prevent it from rearing its head is by better meeting our emotional and physical needs.

Our physical needs

Meeting needs for Food & Drink, Movement and Sleep can help us to stay in control of our reactions so that we can remain calm, even when feeling frustrated:

• Some people find that they get ‘hangry’– quick-tempered, frustrated and angry when they are hungry. Eating healthily can help in this regard.
• We can also find it’s harder to feel on top of things if we haven’t had enough or a deep enough sleep, as sleep rests and repairs our bodies and brains, preparing us for our day ahead. Establishing a bedtime routine and cutting down on caffeine and mobile phone use before bed can make lots of difference.
• Movement and a change of scenery can help us to reduce the stress and switch our attention onto something else. When we move, it gives us endorphins, which come with feeling good, and can help to calm our mood.

Our emotional needs

On the emotional side, meeting our needs for Control and Emotional Connection are just some ways to help keep us calm and on the wellbeing side of the Mental Health Continuum.

Meeting our need to feel in Control

Using coping strategies when we begin to feel stressed or angry can help us return to a state of calm. One way can be by using breathing exercises:

• Focusing on breath can be useful for a few reasons: it gives us the opportunity to pause, allows us to feel in control and can give us something to focus on. It also works with the part of the brain that can help us to feel calm – helping the brain feel more relaxed and preventing the need for our security officer to jump to a response.
• Breathe in for four, and out for more. We call this Dragon Breathing. You may also have heard it referred to as 7/11 breathing, as older children and adults may breathe in for seven and out for 11. The longer breath out is key as it is telling the brain it is okay to calm down.
• Feeling secure through knowing what to expect, in control through having choices and having time to reflect can help us to feel calmer in everyday life, which can help us to cope in situations when our security officer is activated.

Meeting our need for Emotional Connection

• Telling someone else how we feel can help to calm our brains, particularly if we are feeling out of control and our emotions feel overwhelming.
• Examples of who to speak to could include your best friends, a member of your family or even a teacher if you are feeling angry at school.
• Identifying people we can speak to when we feel calm can help us to recognise this as a valuable strategy when we are feeling angry.

What have we learnt?

Knowing we have a natural set of resources and strategies to hand is what helps us to feel calm. These could be breathing techniques, a stretch and pause, having someone we can talk to or taking some time to ourselves.

We are all different, so finding strategies and methods that work for you can be really helpful, and can allow you to feel more in control, calmer, and able to do your best.